This article is about the sensitive subject of abuse and how Meditation, coupled with one to one Intuitive Counselling, can enable us to move on with our lives, away from abuse, to take back control of ourselves and our lives - little step by little step - to become more free than we have ever felt in our lives.

Abuse comes in many forms and at many different times in life.

It can be so mild and so well disguised that you hardly register it as abuse or so full on that there is no mistaking it; but in all cases the receiver of the abuse always feel powerless to do anything about it.

Learning to meditate coupled with one to one intuitive counselling helps to open our minds, bringing in clarity and strengthening us at a very deep level, enabling us to take back control of our situations and lives, whatever the circumstances, and thus helping us to take the next step to becoming free from the abuse we are suffering.

We can be sexually abused, physically abused and verbally abused, the latter often coming in the form of bullying or of undermining confidence. The common factor in all these different types of abuse is that they all undermine our understanding of our self-worth at a deeply subconscious level. All forms of abuse create victims.

There is a misconception that to be a victim you have to be someone who has a weak character.

This is so very clearly not the case, either when the abuse is carried out on a child or on an adult.

It is easier for us to understand why a child would succumb to abuse, especially by an adult and someone they know and trust, as is sadly often the case, but how can this happen to an adult? Why don’t they stand up for themselves and fight back?

The answer to these questions is that the abuser works in an insidious way, feeding data into the person’s mind until they lose sight of who they are, who they always knew they were! Value systems, trust and self-confidence erode, giving the perpetrator of the abuse the way to continue.

It isn’t until the ‘victim’ somehow arrives at a point where they can no longer continue to accept what is happening to them (and more often than not a point does come) that they find the will to find a way to stop it, by seeking help and overcoming their fear.

The majority of abused adults I meet are anything but weak characters. They are often feisty, strong people who no-one would ever call a wimp! In fact it is precisely because they are strong, capable people who have control of most aspects of their lives that the abuser is able to, and again I use the word, insidiously work on them.

What becomes of these abused people, especially if treatment/help has not been sought?

As far as abused children are concerned, it is less straight forward. Often they are too young when the abuse starts to realise what is happening or even that this is abuse. Often the abuser is a member of their family or immediate circle and a person who the child may trust. A child is taught to obey, making it more difficult to disobey.

More often than not the victim (child or adult) blames themselves.

Perhaps the child does, in fact, try to say they don’t like what is happening, especially in the case of sexual abuse and then perhaps the abuser persuades that child that what is happening is a good thing and the right thing, even their ‘special secret’. In the case of physical and violent abuse and bullying, the child (or adult come to that) will be terrified that they will just make things worse for themselves by creating a fuss though sadly, by keeping quiet they of course enable and prolong the abuse.

What happens to these children when they become adults if they have not been rescued, if their voices have not been heard? Can we even imagine the frustration caused by the impotence of just being a child? Everything is completely out of their control. Can we begin to imagine the despair of the child; the anger, shame and humiliation, lack of self-esteem of the adult they become?

Frequently when they become adults they become self-abusers or self-harmers, continuing this negative in their lives, being ‘seduced’ by the familiar pattern, or sometimes even by becoming an abuser of others, perpetuating a learned pattern of behaviour.

What do we mean by self-abuse within this context?

When these children have grown into adults, (and remember this adult has no idea of their self-worth), they experience anger mixed with shame at the injustice of what has happened to them. This may be aimed at their abuser, perhaps adults within their immediate circle whose help they may have (often fruitlessly) tried to enlist. However, and this is probably the most important part, they feel huge anger at, and are ashamed of themselves as they are sure that they are to blame and have somehow brought this abuse upon themselves. As a direct result self-abuse may begin. For example excessive promiscuity, addiction to alcohol or drugs, self-harming; the need to continue the familiarity of abuse is extremely powerful.

Abuse is yet another reason why I am such a strong advocate of children learning to meditate as early as possible, and it is possible for children to learn from the age of 5. Through the quietening and strengthening process of meditation, our children have the possibility of achieving a stronger sense of themselves, their identity and self-worth. This can only help them.

One thing common to all though, is the absolute certainty that they cannot trust anyone and that they will be betrayed at some point. As a result and as a self-fulfilling prophesy, they, subconsciously, try to destroy one way or another, their close relationships.

It is equally complex when an adult is abused, because most adults unwittingly become victims and then they too blame themselves, believing that it is their own fault and that they are doing something to invite the abusive behaviour. As stated previously, the abused adult has often not been a weak person or one who is easily manipulated until this particular episode of abuse occurs.

It is shocking how commonplace abuse is and once it has stopped or been stopped, how do we get over it and rebuild ourselves and our lives?

The answer to this is through the regular practice of Meditation and one to one Intuitive Counselling. Meditation will aid with:

The quietening process of Meditation also helps us become receptive to the guidance we receive through Intuitive Counselling.

An abused person will not need or wish to relive the horrors of their abuse but through the healing and counselling combined with meditation, they will be gently guided to look at it, acknowledge it and forgive it and themselves, enabling them to move forward towards discovering or rediscovering themselves, their strength and their self worth.

All of us hold conversations in our minds which can be very negative and damaging and unnecessarily self-critical.

For an abused person, those mind conversations are extreme. Meditation can completely transform those conversations from negative to positive ones and, at the same time, quieten the incessant chattering and nagging of the monkey mind.

With this new positivity and quietened mind, we are able to accept and take on board ways to change our situation(s), putting past experiences well and truly behind us and embracing the present and future with less fear and with self-assurance.

Difficult life experiences are part of life. None of us is completely exempt. These experiences may always, in some way, be a part of us but they need not be obstacles in our lives by preventing us from having healthy relationships and living our lives to the full.

Learning to quieten at soul level through Peace of Mind Meditation will ensure that we do.

Testimonials - Adwoa

Click here for more information about Meditation and Intuitive Counselling

Copyright: Sonia Wynn-Jones 2010